NZ On Screen – Page 16 – 5000 Ways to Love You

Head Like A Hole “A Crying Shame”

Instantly identifiable by its trumpet intro, “A Crying Shame” kicks off and enters the world of a circus freak show. Taking inspiration from the strongman on the cover of their album “Double Your Strength, Improve Your Health, & Lengthen Your Life”, the video alternates between colour footage of the band playing the song and black and white footage of sinister carnival goings-on.

A young couple wander into a tent and discover a huckster (played by Booga Beazley) touting a potion, no doubt one that can double their strength, improve their health and lengthen their life.

The young woman can’t resist the promise of the potion. She necks it. What effect will it have on her? Why, it will turn her into a circus freak. As the curtains are drawn back for the eager crowd, the young man gasps in horror as he realises what has happened to his beloved. Oh my. You’d never get that sort of thing with the Mac and Jack Wonder Potion.

Best bit: “Wormy the Human Torso”. I’ve always wondered what a human torso looks like.

Director: Jonathan King
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… party time, guys!

Greg Johnson “Liberty”

liSo, there’s a young woman. Let’s call her Liberty, because that’s what Greg sings in the lyrics. She’s wearing a bad wig. It looks like one of those old lady op shop wigs, made of ratty white nylon. If a character in a music video is wearing a bad wig, there has to be a point where she dramatically pulls it off.

Liberty meets up with Greg and he hands her a black satchel. What is in it? Greg drives Liberty to a fancy apartment, where she meets Greg. Wait, what? Is it his evil twin? Or a Tyler Durden-esque representation of the self? Liberty goes to the bathroom, leaving Greg II alone with the satchel. Looking at herself in the mirror, she reaches up and – whoa, it’s a wig!

Back in the lounge, Greg II is dead on the floor, apparently killed by the satchel of doom. Liberty leaves, meeting Greg I in the car. But wait, wouldn’t it be better to leave the wig on until she had left the building? She runs the risk of being identified leaving the apartment of a dead man.

Seriously, if you need a quality assassinette, you’re better off going with Celia from King Loser.

Best bit: the wig reveal, of course. It’s a wiiiiiig!

Director: Jonathan King
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… don’t drink the potion.

Bressa Creeting Cake “Palm Singing”

Actor and comedian Jonathan Brugh stands in for Messers Bressa, Creeting and Cake, hamming it up every second of the video, which led to some people actually thinking he was in the band (along with his triplets?).

For a song with a sunny tropical feel, the video starts off in Little Shoal Bay, admid mangrove swamps, pleasure yachts and with the harbour bridge glistening in the background.

Jonathan then jumps on his bike and heads to the countryside, chaining his bike to a lone phoenix palm in the middle of a field. And when I say chain, it’s a thick old rusty chain, probably stolen off a haunted pirate ship.

Some shadowy black-cloaked figures seem to be up to no good. The hero ends up atop an Auckland high rise, again playing the song, then drives down a palm-lined street, and finally joins the black-cloaked figures for a game of Connect Four. All this is completely normal in the world of Bressa Creeting Cake.

Best bit: Jonathan’s lol face just before he joins in with the Connect Four.

Directors: Ed Cake, Michael Keating
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… following the script.

Upper Hutt Posse “Dread On A Mission”

“Babylon, stop your murdering!” Upper Hutt Posse are dreads on a mission with this politically charged reggae number. The video is directed by Chris Graham and it visits a number of landmarks including Parliament, Wellington railway station and on One Tree Hill with an axe. But there are also scenes on a beach, in the bush and at a marae.

They seem most staunch and at ease when they’re in the rural or coastal areas, far away from Babylon (i.e. the police, the justice system, government). But if the Posse are in the middle of the big bad city, rapping outside the Auckland District Court, they still hold their own.

There’s a confrontation at a train station. A dreadlocked guy bumps into a crowd of skinheads who aren’t happy. He’s outnumbered, but he stands strong and we catch glimpses of the invisible posse behind him. The skinheads beat it. Upper Hutt Posse has a posse.

Best bit: the shirtless MC bothering a man in a suit outside the District Court.

Director: Chris Graham
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… baby, baby, baby, oh?

OMC “Land Of Plenty”

“Land of Plenty” was the third OMC single to receive NZOA funding and “Right On” was the fourth, but they were released in the opposite order, making “Land of Plenty” OMC’s final NZOA-funded video to be released.

Pauly Fuemana had enjoyed a global hit with “How Bizarre” and local success with the follow-up single “Right On”. “Land of Plenty” gets personal. It’s very much the work of a New Zealand-born child of Polynesian immigrant parents.

“Land of Plenty” is a valentine to New Zealand. While Pauly’s rapping isn’t as good as it has been (he sounds like he has a cold), it is still a strong song with a killer chorus.

The lyrics list places and features of New Zealand: “Oamaru by Timaru, winding roads, sudden bends, Lake Taupo, Bethells Beach.” Pauly doesn’t forget cities, also mentioning “Mission Bay, Cuba Street, Vulcan Lane”.

There’s a cool story behind the production of the video, as told by Simon Grigg in his rather good book How Bizarre. Director Kerry Brown came up with an ambitious treatment for the video that was budgeted at $60,000 – but all they had was the $5000 NZ On Air grant and $15,000 from the record company.

So they got sponsors. The New Zealand Wool Board chipped in $20,000 on the condition that Pauly would wear a woollen jacket in the video. TVNZ contributed another $20,000 with the understanding that Pauly would take part in a promo for the station (which never happened).

Much of the video is second-unit filming around New Zealand, with Pauly and singer Taisha filmed in the volcanic plateau. Pauly was in a foul mood the day of the shoot, but Brown’s directorial expertise transformed the scowls into looks of thoughtfulness.

The video takes inspiration from the lyrics and the typical “scenic New Zealand” tourism film (check out “This is New Zealand” for a glorious example), so there’s lots of aerial footage of mountains, rivers and oceans. But we also visit small towns and the aforementioned urban hotspots.

Both and song and the video capture the appreciation that a migrant family has for their new home, but it also works as a reminder for those of us who’ve been here a bit longer that New Zealand is a lovely country.

The song was used in a 2001 ad by the BNZ, who effectively remade the video with a bigger budget, more BNZ customers and less scenery.

Best bit: the Wizard standing in front of the ChristChurch Cathedral. cries

Director: Kerry Brown
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… mission posse-ble.

MC OJ and Rythmn Slave “Money Worries”

I am so happy that this video is now online. When I started 5000 Ways, “Money Worries” was one of the first missing videos I came across, breaking my heart. Last year the brilliant guys at NZ On Screen asked me for some suggestions of videos and this one was at the top of my list, and at last here it is.

OJ and Slave were very Auckland, and indeed their first video, “Positivity”, was shot around downtown Auckland. [You know what? It wasn’t – it was also shot in Wellington.] So it’s surprising to discover that “Money Worries” was very openly filmed in Wellington.

Much of the video is shot in and around Shed 21, one of the old wharf buildings on Wellington’s waterfront. It’s now been converted into cool loft apartments, but back in 1991 it was still a grotty old warehouse. But with its large stylish windows and brick walls, it was perfect to fill with old cars, dancers and Mikey Havoc in a phone box.

Mr Havoc provides guest vocals on the chorus (“Moneeeeeeeey! Moneeeeeeeeeey!”). He squirms and wriggles in the artfully placed phone box and old cars, suggesting neither are really able to contine his energy.

The video looks amazing. Directed by Matthew Palmer, it makes good use of the natural light, shooting the dancers in silhouette and capturing the physical energy of Otis and Mark.

The boys are also allowed out, with high-speed adventures as they travel around Lambton Quay, The Terrace and Featherston Street. And suddenly the Wellington location makes sense.

This is not the cool Wellington of today. The Absolutely Positively Wellington campaign was in its very early stages. Wellington was still a dull grey town of bureaucrats and businessmen. Here were two young Auckland guys rapping about being poor, surrounded by the high-rise offices of some of the richest and/or most powerful people in New Zealand.

The video takes the ambition of the song and amplifies it. These guys aren’t going to be penniless forever, and when they do get money, it will be on their terms. The old warehouses were soon to become cool apartments, Wellington’s grey reputation was about to be washed away by a vibrant new image, and these two guys were about to make their mark on the world of New Zealand pop culture. Yeah, something like that.

I really like this video. Coming from the first full funding round, it seems exactly the sort of video that the NZ On Air funding was designed to help out with.

Director: Matt Palmer
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Head Like a Hole “Faster Hooves”

The best description of this video comes from the YouTube uploader HEADLIKEAHOLENOISE, who accurately says it’s a “spaghetti southern on donkeys”. Being shaken by his ass, Sheriff Booga is after the black-clad villain played by drummer Hidee Beast, looking positively eeeevil.

This drama is cut with rapid footage of HLAH playing campfire instruments – an old tin for percussion, a washing board, as well as some guitars. There’s also a simmering pot of baked beans, as every good posse needs beans.

There’s a tense showdown between the sheriff and the villain. They circle each other, never daring to blink. It comes down to a tense fingerbang shootout, with the villain being faster on the draw.

With New Zealand not being in posession of an American wild west, the video has been shot at a suitably rocky and rugged beach. Some of the footage is in sepiatone, but no one’s pretending this is an accurate period drama. The footage has scribbly animations layered on top to drag it back into the ’90s.

“Faster Hooves” is a really good example of a NZ On Air video – taking a simple concept, a local location and an enthusiastic performance. Oh, and donkeys.

Best bit: Booga’s sweet ass.

Directors: Amanda Clarke, James Bell
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Lost Tribe “Summer In The Winter”

sumSomehow this outrageously good song passed me by in the mid ’90s. I was probably too busy listening to boys and girls with guitars. I now mourn for the lost years that I could have spent listening to “Summer in the Winter”.

Ahem. So yeah, it’s a good song and the video is just as good. It’s filmed in various Auckland locations, but it never allows Auckland to be beautiful. Instead it’s bucketing down with rain, or with a murky sky. Auckland rains a lot, but it’s not something you normally see on TV.

The highlight of the video is Johnny Salaga’s performance. With his hair in pigtails and wearing a chatter ring around his neck, he owns the camera.

The Lost Tribe make it clear – this gloomy, rainy Auckland is now the home of Pacific migrants who’ve left their sunny island homes behind. But the kids are alright here. Good things are happening.

Best bit: Johnny Salaga’s chatter ring necklace. Sooo ’90s.

Bonus: here’s a Lost Tribe feature from a 1997 episode of Wrekognize.

Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… the importance of dressing for the occasion.

Che Fu “Scene III”

After his previous collaboration with DLT, Che Fu is back with his first solo single, far removed from the funk pop of Supergroove. This time it’s a moody love song, with hints of Oriental tones and the odd sea shanty.

It’s late at night. Che is walking along Hobson Street, outside Wah Lee. Except I don’t think it’s meant to be grotty old Hobson Street, but rather an exotic Chinatown location.

Gazing through the window of this most interesting shop, he spies an attractive mixed-race girl. She bids her grandfather good night and heads off with her box of records, for she is a DJ. And so begins Che’s night of unrequited infatuation.

Directed by Alicia Williams, this is a very stylish video. We see Che in two solo locations. In one, he’s stressed like a cool magician, looking like he’s going to take us on a journey into the world of illusions. In the other, he’s wearing a pink Mandarin shirt, busting out some kung fu moves. After sharing the screen with six other dudes in his Supergroove days, it must have been very liberating for Che to have it all to himself.

Che also visits a nightclub, where he gazes across the room at the beautiful exotic DJing. He also is seen singing at a nightclub, while the woman gazes at him. We also catch a glimpse of the grandfather praying out the back, in a stock room surrounded by cartons of Red Bull, back when Red Bull was that weird drink that Asian grocers sold.

After such a strong narrative start, the video seems to end without a conclusion, unless the conclusion is that Che Fu dances and the exotic DJ looks exotic.

Best bit: Che Fu’s “aw shucks” expression after gramps catches him perving at his granddaughter.

Director: Alicia Williams
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… an alternative to a clock radio.

Bressa Creeting Cake “Papa People”

Bressa Creeting Cake knew how to make good crazy videos. We meet a young woman having a tearful conversation with her lover, a giant weta. Actually, not a giant weta as in the 10cm species of weta; this weta is as big as a man.

Mr Weta has ditched her and she is utterly heartbroken. She thinks back to the good times they spent together. Days at the beach, dining on lobster at a fancy restaurant. Oh, such wonderful times.

She figures the only way she can win back her insectoid lover is to become like him. So she heads off to her local mad scientist and is injected with a strange green liquid, which turns her into a human-weta hybrid. What weta wouldn’t want a piece of that, etc.

Is a happy reunion on the cards? No, it turns out the weta has actually been rooting a pig while a horse watches. What an arsehole. We don’t see the woman discover this, but – in human form – she wanders a strange room where the walls are covered with projections of maggots.

Over on NZ On Screen, Geoff Creeting is quoted as saying, “In the end I don’t think anyone really gets the story.” Well, the ending puzzles me a little, but as a whole, the video is like a surreal chapter from “He’s Just Not Into You”. There’s a valuable lesson in there about being yourself.

Best bit: the mad scientist enjoying a fish and chips meal before he starts on his new assignment.

Director: Steve Morrison
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… the mysteries of the Orient.