2004 – Page 8 – 5000 Ways to Love You

Goodshirt “Lucy”

Goodshirt’s “Lucy” video takes the form of a television current affairs story, with real-life TV journalist Amanda Miller playing the part of the reporter. She talks to three men, all of whom are obsessed with Lucy, a pretty model.

Nerdy Derek has known Lucy since primary school, is mates with Goodshirt, but somehow that’s not enough to win her over. Glen, a tattooed and pierced badboy, is obsessed with a skincare ad Lucy has done, inspiring him to get her face tattooed on his back. He seems pretty aggro, and there’s even a shot of a restraining order Lucy has taken against him. The third Lucy obsessive is Ryan, who’s in hospital with serious injuries sustained after falling off the harbour bridge while attempting to hang a banner declaring his love.

Goodshirt themselves are virtually absent from the video, appearing in a few photos with Derek and possibly as one of Glen’s tattoo clients. The video sticks so strictly to the conventions of a television current affairs story that there could easily be another version using the actual interview recordings instead of the song. There’s so much going on with the visuals (it’s the sort of video that gets better with repeat viewings) that the song tends to sink into the background, like a random track chosen by the story’s video editor.

But what’s missing from the video? Lucy herself. She exists only as photos. It’s understandable that a harassed model wouldn’t want to be part of a television story profiling three losers who are obsessed with her. But if this were a real story, there’d be some sort of behavioural expert commenting on the obsessive behaviour. And as entertaining as the three obsessives are, the video leaves me wanting to know all about Lucy.

Best bit: the blank “get wall” card some uncaring person has sent Ryan.

Director: Wade Shotter
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Fang “Something Good”

Fang’s second and final NZOA-funded video was “Something Good”, a pop stomper. The online video, like a lot of ones uploaded to the Arch Hill account, is very pixelly, like it was ripped from a CD-ROM that had fallen behind the couch. Therefore I cannot guarantee that my observations are totally accurate.

It’s night time and singer Sonya and bassist Ben are asleep their beds. Sonya is troubled by a strange dream, while Ben is up and about sleepwalking. Or his sleepwalking all part of Sonya’s dream?

Like the zombies in Dawn of the Dead, some kind of instinct has brought Ben to a mall. At the same time, Sonya leaps out of bed and goes along to the mall in her pyjamas. What is it that has triggered such drama? Cake.

There’s a lone table with two cakies waiting for them. They sit and scoff, with Ben bolting after he finishes his treat. This leaves Sonya sitting alone, and she seems to suddenly realise she’s in a mall, in her pyjamas, eating a tartlet.

By the way, sleep-eating is a legit psychiatric disorder, known as nocturnal sleep-related eating disorder (NSRED). Usually it’s people raiding their own kitchen, but I like the idea that someone would go all the way to a mall and sit down for a dignified treat in their pyjamas.

Best bit: Ben’s stroll past a women’s clothing store, with the hottest lady fashions of 2004.

Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Evolver “Stars”

Not to be confused with Revolver, Evolver were a four-piece indie rock band from Dunedin. “Stars” is a twee pop tune. It was the band’s only funded video (they split up soon after) but it’s very ambitious.

The video opens with black and white footage of an elegant lady riding in a towncar at night, and she’s soon joined by three men in fedoras. I think this is supposed to present the 1920s, but they end up in a very modern lift where the elegant lady pushes a mysterious button with a spiral insignia. (Actually, it just looks like someone put a sticker over the emergency stop button, but let’s ignore that.)

With a flash, this transports the quartet to a diner in the 1950s and/or 1960s. It’s very obviously been filmed at a Burger King, with the extras seemingly kitted out in the “1950s – 1960s” rack of the local costume hire place. This is an alternate reality where a greaser from the mid-1950s, a go-go dancer from the mid-1960s and a long-haired hippy from the late ’60s all hang out together, at Burger King. This can only mean there must be a rip in the delicate fabric of the space-time continuum.

The quartet enter the lift again and this time they have ended up in a punk/goth/new wave world. The lead singer Emmanuelle looks far too cheerful to really pull of the angry punk/miserable goth hybrid style she’s got going. But hey, everyone’s having a good time dancing in the punk/goth/new wave club!

So what’s the next step? A journey forward in time to the strange future world of 2014? No, they’re going into space, to a strange world of Easter Island statues, conveyor belts, shimmery lipstick for men, and a triangular speaker stack that looks like a minimalist Christmas tree.

Up to this point, the video was a fairly ordinary low-budget music video. But the crazy future space world is so over the top and the band look so awkward that it transcends everything and just becomes a camp pleasure. Thank you, Evolver, for giving us this futuristic gift.

Best bit: the sleazy greaser, macking on all the ladies.

Director: Neil Bond

Definite & Bling “Jump Up”

Despite sounding like the name of a small Grey Lynn fashion label, Definite & Bling were a hip hop duo and “Jump Up” was the first of their two NZ On Air-funded videos.

The video is pretty lacklustre. It’s animated, but done very basically. So there are lots of repeated shots and really simple scenes that look like the result of first-year polytech assignment work.

The song itself is pretty lively with a good groove to it, but the video ignores the potential in that and sets the action in a TV game show. There’s little entertainment value in frequent shots of a flashing “APPLAUSE” sign or looking at a TV camera filming the show. The muddy brown palette of the animation just further sucks the life out of it. It’s like he 1980s never happened.

The game show appears to involve the contestants answering questions, yet not only can we not hear what they’re saying, the animation isn’t advanced enough to having moving mouths. It ends up being a succession of heads nodding. So boring.

Ultimately there’s only one test: is this video more interesting than a random game show video from YouTube? Well, I can definitely say that the Japanese human Tetris game show is way more entertaining. Zero points to Definite & Bling. They get one more chance with their second video. Let’s hope they raise their game.

Also of note: this video was one of the first to receive the additional $1500 grant from Positively Wellington Business’s Made In Wellington scheme, which required the video to be produced in Wellington.

Best bit: the unveiling of the low-rider prize, a break from the tedium.

Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Dead End Beat “Ain’t Got You”

The hard rockin’ “Ain’t Got You” was the final of Dead End Beat’s four funded videos. And this one starts with something truly terrifying: ’90s style tattoos. I thought I’d successfully blocked out all those Celtic insignias, barbed wire motifs, marijuana leaf art, and “tribal” expressions. But in mere seconds this video has brought back the full horrors of the era.

The animated video starts with this showcase of ink, revealing that a tattooed spider has come to life and sets about wrecking havoc around town. There’s also something that looks like a cyber praying mantis, that obviously has issues with the spider.

After a bit of chasing around town, the cyber mantis strikes down the spider, as well as the Sky Tower. A black substance (tattoo ink? spider goo?) oozes all around the city. And from this goo springs a whole lot of new spiders who set about building a giant web to trap the mantis. But instead being devoured by the spiders, the cyber mantis just flies away.

The video is all bad-ass attitude. With the song being such a full-on rock experience, it would have benefitted from having the band actually performing in the vid. But for whatever reason instead we had this “when good tattoos go bad” situation. Perhaps the crazy spider serves as a cautionary tale against the dangers of getting bad tattoos that seem cool.

Best bit: the fall of the Sky Tower, the most original use of the landmark in a music video.

Next… a muddy game show.

Che Fu “2D”

Che Fu returned with his third album, Beneath the Radar, and “2D” was the lead single from that. But something had changed. While most of Che’s previous singles were top 10 hits, “2D” didn’t even chart. It doesn’t especially sound like a single, more like an undeveloped demo, devoid of any essential hooks.

The video is a bit more interesting than the song. It sets Che and his band in mysterious dark room surrounded by visualisations of sound waves and radar. There’s also something that looks like a flight deck of a Star Wars spacecraft, where a two-dimensional Che jumps around on a chair. The sci-fi references continue with Che also appearing as a grainy hologram, straight outta Star Wars.

This all sorts of fun special effects, but nothing much happens. The video concludes by breaking free from the green screen environment and moving to the outdoors. Che and the band perform atop a seaside cliff at sunset, while he sings “Am I lazy?” Well yeah, the song and the video both actually feel lazy.

Best bit: the hologram, wherein Mr Fu channels in inner Princess Leia.

Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… attack of the ’90s tattoos.

Betchadupa “Who’s Coming Through The Window”

“Who’s Coming Through The Window” was Betchadupa’s 11th NZOA-funded video, with the band soon coming to the organic end of its life. The video saw the band team up with Joe Lonie, and it’s like a technologically advanced version of his earlier one-take wonder videos with Goodshirt.

The video uses one continuous, stationary shot of a grimy looking dressing room. Shot in moody black and white, there’a a window, a door, a mirror that reflects that other half of the room, a shelf stack with the band’s boozy rider, and enough room for one member of Betchadupa to play.

We see different members of the band performing in the one spot, sometimes with others playing in the mirror’s reflection. While this happens, a succession of gig-goers climb in the window, steal a beer or two or three, and head out the door. There wouldn’t be any of this trouble if Betchadupa had requested a fruit platter.

The song is a slightly offbeat pop track (with hints of the Mint Chicks’ skewed sound) and the video plays with that not-quite-normal feeling. All the different layers of the video, with the window-climbers and band members sharing the same space, remind me of the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, but the less said about that, the better.

Like many Joe Lonie videos, it’s a gimmick-based video with no deep meaning behind it all. But that’s fine – let the song do the talking.

Best bit: a poster advertising a band (or album?) called Deafblindness.

Director: Joe Lonie
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… something a bit sci-fi.

The Feelers “Supernova”

I’m going to declare that of all the NZOA-funded videos I’ve seen so far, this one has have the most moronic plot. The video is shot in a single take, which seems to have led to a whole lot of nonsensical scenes set up purely to have something to film.

Let’s start at the beginning. It’s a wet day. A car has crashed – flipped right over. From it emerges a man who staggers around to the other side and helps out a woman. Ok, those are our protagonists, 04 Bonnie and Clyde.

As they run away from the car, it explodes, which spurs them to run even faster. Then they do something really strange. Instead of running along the road, they detour over the top of a fence into a playground, then over the fence on the other side, emerging at exactly the same place they’d have ended up if they’d just run along the road in a straight line.

They continue up the road into the local pub where the Feelers are playing. Now here’s thing. There’s just been a car crash about 100 metres away followed by a loud explosion, but no one in the pub has gone out to see what’s happened. No, they’re all just sitting there happily boozing away with the Feelers.

The couple – all wet and dirty – walk past everyone like nothing’s up. They go into the loos and change from their matching dark shirts with matching artistic rips into matching white singlets. (This toilet makeover is slightly more convincing than the non-event one in the Feelers earlier “Venus” video, but both are firmly trounced by the saucy 1990s Levi’s ad.)

They head out the back of the pub and see a path down to the river. They quickly run down, but the ground is wet and slippery and the dude actually keeps slipping and crashing into things. And why are they in such a hurry? No one’s chasing them!

At the bottom of the path they find a jetty with a speedboat in which they make their getaway. But here’s they’re at the Riverhead pub – taking the boat upstream is just going to take them into a swampy Kaipara creek. If they’d headed in the other direction, well, that would eventually lead them to the Waitemata Harbour and an easier getaway.

Morons. Actually, the only way this video could make sense is if they’d both sustained a significant brain injury in the car crash, severely clouding their judgement and leading them to make that series of dumb-arse decisions. They’re probably not even on the run from anyone. They were probably just off to the pub to see the Feelers play when they crashed. Always drive for the conditions, kids.

Best bit: the pub patrons who don’t give a damn.

Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… getting unravelled.

The D4 “Feel It, Like It”

After last being seen in 2001, the D4 return from being big in Japan with with a new album. “Feel It, Like It” was actually the third single off their second album, but for some reason it was the first to be funded.

The video uses the ancient art of sock-puppetry to tell the story of a big night out. The colourful world puppet world is simply constructed yet very detailed with plenty of little bits to notice.

The story revolves around a young dude sock puppet who has a hot date with a lady sock puppet. After decking himself out in new threads (i.e. a non-holey sock), he meets his date to see a movie – a 3D concert movie of the D4. This is where the band make their first appearance, rocking out with a fake 3D shadow.

The experience seems to have an aphrodisiac effect on the sock-puppets, as the guy and girl head back to his place for a, er, handjob. Here’s the bit where the video isn’t so effective. After implying that there’s some sock sex happening, suddenly we see the bare hands of a man and woman sensually caressing each other. That totally kills the sock-puppet humour and makes it way more sexual and real that it needs to be.

Bloody hell. If you can’t make an entertaining video where sock puppets are having weird sock puppet sex, then you need to go back to sock puppet school.

Best bit: the awkward sock-puppet pashing.

Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… the long way around.

The Black Seeds “So True”

“So True” is a chilled out song of love, and the Black Seeds celebrate that with a Coromandel road trip. Cruising in a Holden HR (and I thank YouTube commenters for that detail) three band members, a guitar, a ukulele and a Polaroid camera cruise around the Coromandel countryside and coast.

Bret McKenzie was in the band at this stage, and he’s shown behind the wheel with the shaggiest hair ever. The trio arrive at a motorcamp and join some friends for a barbecue, further cementing the Black Seeds as a barbecue reggae band.

Then it’s time for a bit of exploring around the coast, some beach cricket, a bit of swimming, some snorkelling, and a dramatic cliff drive.

There’s a stop at a dairy that looks like some very conspicuous product placement. The dairy is covered with Tip Top ice cream branding and Bret cleanly removes the wrapper of his pineapple Fruju with a flourish. This isn’t the first time there’s been product placement in a NZOA video, but it somehow sticks out a bit too much. Also: damn, I could do with a Fruju now.

The world of “So True” is an idealised North Island New Zealand, where it’s always summer and it’s always sunny and idyllic. The video has evoked emotional comments from people, both overseas and in New Zealand, who are relishing in that cruisy loved-up summer feeling.

Best bit: the pineapple on the back shelf of the Holden.

Director: Gareth Moon
Ngā Taonga Sound & Vision

Next… sock it to me.